Let Go

Choices. These are an essential part of life. Every day we make choices- some that have no significant impact on our life and others that do. "Live and Learn", "The past is the past and you can't change it", "Let Go".. These seem to be recurring thoughts in my head for a few months now. My last blog was during the summer soon after my first big breakup. Although it was kind of mutual in a sense, I didn't realize the extent that it would affect me. For awhile afterwards I couldn't stop re-thinking about the whole relationship and wondering 'what if I had done this.. would things be different' or 'why did I do this or get mad at that'... I knew that we couldn't/shouldn't be together but I couldn't help thinking about these things. I wouldn't say I had regrets but I was having a hard time just accepting certain actions I chose for myself. A lot of it wasn't anything important to dwell on, but that's just how I am. I might have made it harder on myself but I don't know.. maybe it was something I had to go through...
The rest of the summer passed and now I'm back at school. I should be focused on the future and getting what I need to get done.. but I seem to be bogged down with the summer. I made certain choices in how to deal with the breakup and how I wanted to deal with the changes in my group of friends but when I look back on it, I get stuck. "If only I continued talking to him after we broke up, maybe I would have felt better then and better now..." or "If only I made more of an effort to contact _____ things would have been different...".. Maybe this would change how I feel now. I've been "off" for some time and I'm trying to figure out why I continue to feel the way I do.
People make decisions and whatever they may be, they have to live with the outcomes/consequences, whether they be good or bad. My ex and I are friends. Good friends again and it makes me happy. I've been keeping in better touch with friends back home and that's all good too... Despite this, I can't seem to "Leave the past behind me". I'm still haunted by "Why did this have to happen the way it did? Why didn't I do this instead of that?"..... I don't really know what I should do to let it all go. Those choices that I made, they are my own. I can't change them now and have to live with the outcomes and make the most of it. Sometimes you think you're making the right choice and everything will be fine afterwards but somewhere down the line you realize/think that maybe that wasn't the best choice. What do you then? Although that choice can't be changed, future choices are still yours to be made.